Nevada's Articles

The answer to that burning question depends, of course, on whether or not you are a rabid fangirl determined to spin even the most dismal sales numbers into a triumphant return to the charts.

Skyrockets are optional this time around.

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First, a definition from Merriam-Webster:

Main Entry: comb–over
Pronunciation: \ˈkōm-ˌō-vər\
Function: noun
Date: 1980
: an arrangement of hair on a balding man in which hair from the side of the head is combed over the bald spot
See: David Cook

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The official end of Cook’s “never-ending tour” came one day early after the Ted Constant Center in Norfolk, Virginia abruptly cancelled his December 2nd show.

Can you imagine the reaction at DCO? Well, you don’t have to…just keep on reading.

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It sure took him long enough…

And yes, there really is a distinction between having an album certified platinum by the RIAA and actually selling platinum, in particular since Taylor Hicks’s debut never managed to cross the “million albums sold” threshold, despite its certification on January 16, 2007. At last report, Taylor’s sales were at 703,195.

Likewise, Kelly Clarkson’s “My December” was certified platinum on December 12, 2007, but had only sold an estimated 782,000 by the end of 2008. Premature certification isn’t all that rare in an industry in which perception often trumps reality.

The reality is that aside from the two unearned platinum certifications for Kelly and Taylor, eight American Idol alums have managed to sell eleven platinum albums, with David Cook becoming the most recent Idol to cross that rather exclusive finish line. Unfortunately for him (and his fangirls), he comes in at # 10 on the Weeks to Platinum list.
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American Idol finalists and definitive evidence of diminishing returns…

From the Stupid American Idol Fangirl of the Week thread on November 30, 2008, cited by Boulder:

I think we need to redefine what success is for the Davids. It’s not how well they do against each other, past Idols, or even other artists in the music world. First and foremost, success is whatever will allow them to keep their record deals. Idols get dropped from their labels left and right. Simply being greenlighted to put out a sophomore album, then, has to be viewed as success.

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As a public service, I have collected assorted information about the venues on Blake’s upcoming A.D.D. tour for your perusal…you never know when you might suffer a traumatic loss of musical taste and decide to seek out some noise.

In several instances, I’ve only provided an address and phone number for the venue because that’s pretty much all I could find doing an admittedly cursory search, but occasionally, I hit paydirt.

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I’ve never been to an Idol concert, despite having been a fan of the show since 2002, and it is highly unlikely that anything — or anyone — could ever convince me to attend one, short of outright blackmail. Since I lead an exemplary life (aside from engaging in an occasional mocking), I have no concerns in that regard, but after reading an alarming number of breathlessly overwrought and strikingly similar recaps by fangirls, I decided I might as well just make one up.

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There may only be Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover, but there are at least fifty-one ways to tell which Idols are headed for success:

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